So, I self-deleted one of my own posts the other day - because when I read it, I thought it painted running in a bad light - which was NOT my intent at all. I love running, I love every thing about it, the friends I have made, the people I meet, the challenges of it - physical, mental, and emotional. I was afraid my post painted it negatively - and I didn't want to do that to something I enjoy so much.
It's back - and it's still long-winded. Because I thought, why should I pretend something true didn't really happen? What if other runners have experienced the same? What if i was just me and nobody has ever "been there"? Regardless, to hide the truth, is to deny the truth. So here is the story once again - re-titled - "Emerging From The Tunnel" (yeah, so I'm not good with titles)
Grab something to drink, find a comfy chair, because as you know, I'm long-winded.
So, the race starts off in the early morning, maybe a runner is nervous, maybe not. All runners are excited, the adrenaline is pumping, the race starts, and "it's on". You got this - you know that because random strangers are yelling that to you. And YOU know it - you are ready to conquer this event. Miles pass, you notice some great scenery, maybe even first-time-ever-seen scenery, you notice the camaraderie among the runners, you notice those awesome random strangers on the sideline cheering you on, you read their funny signs "I'm just trying to cross the street" "A parade this long and still no candy" "Keep running, no time for Walken (with a picture of Christopher Walken)" and so on and so forth, you hear the cowbells, you hear "You got this", you even hear - I kid you not - "Go you random stranger you". It's exciting, you are running, your adrenaline is peaking, you are having fun - YOU GOT THIS.
Then, well, maybe you don't got this. Maybe you just want to pull over and find a short cut and not finish. Maybe you realize your friends are right - you are crazy. Maybe you realize, even if you quit now, you still have to find a way to travel 4 or 5 miles back to where your gear is checked and your car is parked. Maybe you realize, this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe you think - you know my goal doesn't matter, who cares if I don't finish, who cares if I miss my personal goal time - and I don't care what people think! You have reached "that dark place". Every runner reaches it during a race, especially long races - even the best of the best mention it. It happens, for some it's Mile 20, some, like me it's Mile 11 in Half-Marathon. Doesn't matter when it happens - it happens. This is, as Survivor once sang in their song "Burning Heart", "it's you against you".
Forget the physical pain, that's probably happening too, by the way. Muscles you didn't even know you had are now getting tense or fatigued. Your body suddenly seems to forget how to put one foot in front of the other as you barely get your foot off the ground and feel the sole scraping a rock you would have cleared by 6-inches 10 miles ago. Maybe your lungs are on fire, and you are probably hot and thirsty and tired. But, seriously, all of that can be overcome with increased training and preparation. That's not the "dark place" - that part is no fun - but it's nothing compared to "that dark place".
That dark place is in your head - literally - it's you against you. Every thought in your head is about quitting, who cares about the goal, "just walk it", "pull over, who cares". Maybe, just maybe, you don't got this, despite what that stranger with the cowbell is telling you at this very moment. You actually reach a point where maybe you don't like this encouragement, maybe you want to say "don't talk to me" or "enough with your signs" or "You know what - I don't got it - stop telling me I do". You want to lash out, lash out with no valid reason. Maybe you are getting annoyed by that great camaraderie from earlier - why is this person running so close to me? It's a big street, get off of me. Even though they are 11 feet away from you. Or maybe somebody is behind you and you are thinking "geez, buddy, just pass me, stop pushing me". When in reality he is probably thinking "why is this person in front of me so close to me - big road dude move". Suddenly, it's that "dark place". That band, from earlier that inspired you with "Eye Of The Tiger" - well maybe you want to unplug them.
Now, NONE of these people deserve those thoughts - they are there to encourage you - believe it or not, these random strangers really ARE rooting for you. Believe it or not, you might be inspiring them or motivating them, maybe you are why they start running next week. But even if you don't inspire them, they are standing outside in the heat or cold or wind or whatever, and they really ARE rooting for you. They are playing music for you, they made signs to cheer you up, they shout motivational things to you. They do not deserve those "dark place" thoughts you might be having - but you are human - you are having those thoughts anyhow.
And THIS my friends, THIS is the time, when you WIN the race. It's not the finish line, it's not the clock, it's RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. This is when you win the race. This is when you win the battle and you exit that dark place like exiting the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel into a sea of light and cheering strangers. This is when you win - this is the moment that defines you.
You feel miserable and tired, but you see that kid on the side with his hand out for high-fives, and you drift over to high-five him. You see that funny sign, and you somehow manage a smile or a thank you or a funny comment back, even though you don't feel much like smiling. You see the volunteer Police Officer and you say "Thank You Officer!". Even though you can barely speak. THIS is what winning is about. This is when, despite every dark thought you just had - YOU GOT THIS - you really do! You fight those inner thoughts and you overcome. You win, because you realize, no matter how awful you feel, those random strangers, those volunteers they deserve to know that you really do appreciate them. You put your concern for their feelings over your own "misery of the moment". This is the precise moment when you won the race. This is when you KNOW, just like that random stranger is shouting to you, YOU GOT THIS.
You fought "you against you" and you won. This is why people have that "happiest person on the planet" smile when they cross the finish line - this is why grown adults are seen crying as they cross, tears of elation (well, and perhaps some physical pain as well).
But this is the challenge - this is why I run. I don't run to finish the race first, I don't run to beat that lady or that gentleman, I don't run to win a medal for my age bracket, I don't run for the free beer (ok, maybe that helps). I run for that challenge - the "you against you". The challenge isn't always "that dark place", in shorter races it's the challenge to raise the bar of my finish time or to run negative-splits, but the challenge is still there. I have a shirt from a race that says "Challenge Yourself". That is why I run - to challenge myself, yes physically, but mostly mentally. It's not mind over matter - it's attitude over bad attitude. It's wax on-wax off!
So, if you ever wondered what that half-dead totally-exhausted runner - with the largest smile on his or her face sitting over there with a towel around their neck and a water bottle on their forehead might be thinking - it might just be all of this. (or it could be, "where is the free beer line?")
(Final note, don't get me wrong, I also have made tons of great new friends and meet new people at every event - and that's a huge reason too)
No comments:
Post a Comment